Eternal Devotion
by Mail And Mihael Keehl
Summary: Matt pretends to be deaf and mute from the get go. Even watching as the one he loves fall for another. Matt's POV. MattxMello. MelloxNear. Warning: adult language in later chapters!
1. First Glance

I came to Wammy's just a few months ago. My progress of making friends is zero, grades are third ranked, my crush is my roommate and to top it all off, everyone thinks that I'm mute and deaf.

Roger, the headmaster of this orphanage of gifted kids brought in special teachers that use sign language. He also believes that I am deaf, but I'm not. Everyone assumes that I am from the get go and so I just play along.

These past few months, I heard lots of things; most were about me. Whispers were in the hallways, classrooms, the men's bathroom, cafeteria, the lobby and even in my own room. Tears would threaten to fall, but I would cover it off as allergies.

I could hear the kids laughing as I walk by, whispering words of cruelness and plans to dump me in the men's toilets. I avoided the kids and the bathroom as much as I could and hid myself in my room after class was over.

Few days ago, I wrote a letter to the headmaster about installing a lock to my room. At first, he was against it, but after witnessing some of the older kids dragging me by the back collar of my shirt out of my room, he thought otherwise. Since then, the only people who could enter was the headmaster, Watari, myself and of course my roommate, Mello.

--

Mello, my roommate is 5'6", blond, he has beautiful features, wears leather, and loves chocolate, bully to the younger kids and in some cases me, plus he is also the love of my life.

Okay, well it's more of a crush at the moment, but I know what I'm feeling is love. I will grow to like him more than a crush. But I am afraid of what he might say. His expressions were always impassive; it was as if he's ready to murder somebody. Sometimes it gets really uncomfortable just being in the same room with him.

I try and not bother him as I sit on the carpet of our room doing homework. He walked over to his bed and laid in it, his hands behind his head. I couldn't help myself as I stared at him. All of a sudden, a pillow was thrown at me and I fell back. I shook out of my stupor and found Mello staring straight at me.

I wondered to myself if I did anything wrong. He searched in the drawers next to him and pulled out a notepad and a pen. He scribbled something and tossed the pad over to me. I looked down at the writing,

**WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME? YOU WANT TO DIE?** (1)

My eyes widened and immediately shook my head. I didn't even know that I was staring at him, honest!

" Huh, freak." I distinctly heard him speak and my heart plummeted. I felt tears pricked at the corner of my eyes. I started my homework, leaving the room in complete silence once again.

When I thought I was going crazy with all the silence, I heard Mello say,

" Hey, boy! Buy me some chocolate would you?"

I almost responded to his command, but I held myself back. I was supposed to be mute and deaf, so I didn't say anything. When my response didn't come, he sighed exasperatedly,

" Right, he's disabled." Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw him leave the room.

--

It was a long time before the door opened again and in, my roommate came. But he didn't return alone. He had also invited some of his friends along. They all gave me stares that sent chills down my spine. They were stares of lust and mischief.

I just sat there, hoping that if I didn't bother them, then they wouldn't bother me. But my silence and my disability only fueled their desire to take advantage of me even more. I sat there, helpless, pretending not to hear what they were talking about. But I knew.

Just then a cellphone rang, pretending not to notice the sound, I convinced myself to not look their way. Suddenly Mello's voice spoke up,

" Yeah? Okay, I'll be right there."

An alarm went off in my head, Mello was leaving the room and he wasn't taking his buddies with him. The door opened and closed with a click. Inside the room without Mello, made me feel like a doll that's ready to be mutilated.

Seconds later, I heard them talking to each other,

" Hey, since Mello's out, why don't we have fun with his little roomie, huh?" one boy stated.

I immediately wanted to get out of there, but I couldn't. I had to play defenseless Matt in front of everyone.

" Yeah, he wouldn't be able to scream," another boy replied with a chuckle. I almost wanted to cry. There would be absolutely no one to help me. They came closer until I felt arms wrapped around my torso from the back. My body was suddenly flushed against one of the boy's own body. I let out a small sound of surprise. I heard them laugh,

" Don't worry, Matty. We'll take good care of you."

It was absolutely sickening. The other person knelt before me and flashed me a smile. I just wanted to lash out at the both of them, but I couldn't. They hadn't made one false move yet, so there was no reason to bruise their pretty faces.

It wasn't until the boy in the back of me, lifted my chin up and the next thing I knew was his face towering over mines. I thrashed, but then he gripped my chin so it wouldn't move and that's when he stole my first kiss.

--

Their process of taking advantage of me was torturously slow. They distracted me by their kiss, while the other boy pulled my zipper down. I hadn't noticed what the other boy was doing until I felt him trying to take my pants off. I wrenched my lips away and tried to move, but they wouldn't let me. The boy had succeeded in taking my pants off along with my boxers underneath. It was humiliating for someone to stare _down there_, but it was also terrifying.

The boy in the back distracted me with a kiss and the rough fingers were now on my limp member. I shivered at the touch. Remembering what they were about to do, I began thrashing again and the fingers at my member turned into a grip. I shut my eyes at the pain.

--

The rhythm of his mouth bopping up and down on my member sent little shocks to my belly. After a good minute or so, there was a feeling of wanting to use the bathroom. (2) I was about to tell the boy that I was about to pee in his mouth, but I kept silent. Then I peed and the guy just drank it up.

Just when the boy in front of me was about to drop his pants down, the door opened and in Mello came. He stood there, stunned and apparently looking at my private area. One glance at the scene in front of him, was all it took for Mello to go on a seething rampage.

--

**I got the last question from Bok-soo; A Kdrama called " First Wives Club"**

**I got the idea from "Pico to Chico". If you've watched this, then you know what I mean.**


	2. My Only Love

**A/N: This chapter is based on a song called "My Only Love" by Sandy Howell and RAW. Which is the song from Sailor Moon Episode 30. If it doesn't portray what the song meant, then I apologize. Either way, please read and review!**

**--**

" Just what the heck are you doing to him?" Mello growled. His friends all scrambled to pull their pants up. I just got up and pulled on my own jeans, waiting for Mello to explode.

" N-Nothing, Mello," one of the boys stuttered. Then Mello looked over at me, eyes glaring as if to tell him the truth. I picked up the pad on the floor and scribble one word onto the white sheet of paper. I handed it over to Mello and he took a look at it and immediately grabbed the front of one of his buddy's shirt,

" Nothing, my ass. Matt here just told me you were trying to rape him, now tell me the truth or you'll find yourself with no teeth," Mello threatened.

" Yes, we-we were trying to rape him. I'm sorry, Mello!" the boy cried, pleading for his pathetic life.

" I'm going to count to three," Mello started and pulled out his gun, " to run or you'll get a bullet up your ass."

The two boys ran for mercy while Mello counted and I heard rounds of shots echoing in the hallway. I smiled; Mello had just defended me, his roommate.

--

Later that day, in class Mello paid more attention to me when his friends were around. It was as if the rape scenario was a gift from the heavens above, it served as a reason for Mello to be near me. I absolutely loved the attention.

A note was tossed onto my desk. I looked around, but everyone was busy with their work even Mello. Shrugging, I opened the paper to read the fine print:

**You think you're so special now that Mello's got your attention? There is no way that he'll fall for a pathetic being like you who can't even talk or hear. Why don't you just shrivel up and die?**

I looked up at the paper again and several people met my gazes and they looked away. Mello was ruled out as one of the suspects. There was no way he would talk in third person, so it had to be someone else. Someone who was close to Mello as I am. Just who…?

I read the threat note over again until it was snatched out of my hands; it was Mello. I looked away and saw the note crumple in his gloved hands. My eyes were wide as his narrowed in anger. He jumped onto a nearby student's desk and shot a bullet in the ceiling, shutting everyone up, including the teacher.

" Whoever wrote this stupid note, confess right now or you'll find yourself on the other end of my gun," Mello threatened. One boy scoffed, he had blue streaked hair, black garments much like Mello's and a cigarette in between his lips,

" Why? What does the note say?"

" Don't say like you don't know, Kaito. I know you wrote this piece of crap, now confess or you'll have a bullet through your head!" Mello cried. The boy just laughed,

" Go right ahead, Mello. Roger and Watari won't stand for this, they'll have you off the second rank you've been working so hard for. Don't tell me you're going to lose it because of some pathetic letter?" The smug on his face, I just wanted to wipe it off.

" So you're confessing that you indeed wrote this note?" Mello stated. The other boy rolled his eyes,

" No. God, Mello you're so oblivious."

" Oblivious to what?" Mello growled. The boy got out of his seat and strolled by the blond and stopped at his side before leaning close and whispered,

" Oblivious to the fact that this mere prank has brought out your weak side. Really Mello, I didn't think that falling in love would make you so weak. It's so much fun watching your defenses crumble," the boy then walked out of the room after a yelling from the teacher to come back. I looked up at Mello and he refused me meet my eyes.

The class started again and Mello did not wait for me.

--

I went back to my room to find Mello already there. He had skipped his afternoon classes to go on the computer, apparently playing an online game. I tapped his shoulder and he flinched. I felt hurt by his sudden reaction and I could only shrink away and be as invisible as I'm meant to be.

Mello didn't talk to me, even when it was dinnertime. We walked down together, but sat on opposite ends of the table. I felt that the gap that we had was slowly drifting apart and getting bigger by the second. I wanted to tell him that I was okay with the threat notes, as long as I have you by my side. Looking up at him and seeing him be that cold person once again, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't reveal my secret and tell him how much he means to me because he was my only love and I didn't want to be rejected by him.

The next few days, he would avoid me all together. We would never walk together and instances where we do; he would either lag behind or speed up and walk ahead of me. My heart did a tumble and I could only feel guilt. It had been my fault from the beginning, if I hadn't been so scared, so afraid of this place, then they wouldn't assume that I was mute and deaf. I would be just like the rest of them, able to talk and… able to defend the one I love.

I was just walking back to my room after a night session of Algebra II, when I saw Mello with another student. He had short gray hair, white pajamas on and in his hands was a teddy bear. I didn't know who he was but it seems to me that Mello and he were friends. Mello was laughing and talking to him and the boy's face didn't crack a smile, just nodded when he needed to.

It then occurred to me, that this person, this boy, was the one that Mello approved of the most.


	3. Rumors and Rejections

--

I sat in the room, working on my homework when my mind drifted off to the memory of Mello and the white haired kid in the hall. Seeing them together, especially Mello's happy face pained my heart. I would never be able to make Mello smile that genuinely. Not ever. Not when I'm pretending to be disabled. I smiled sadly and droplets of water dampened my paper. I gasped, wiping the drops away when the door opened. I tried my hardest not to look up at the newcomer.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted that it was Roger. He was carrying a suitcase and walked on over to Mello's closet. What was going on and why was Roger stuffing Mello's clothes in that suitcase? Was he going somewhere? I got up and tugged at the old man's suit. He was quite surprised by my presence.

I took a pad out of my jacket and wrote on it. I gave the pad to the old man where he read it and motioned for the pencil in my hand. I gave it to him and he wrote something back. I looked down at his message:

**Why are you taking Mello's clothes? – Matt**

**Mello's moving out of this room – Roger**

I looked up at the old man worriedly. Why was he moving out? Did he not like me? He chuckled lightly as if to reassure himself of the situation. Then he went back to packing Mello's clothes, cleaning out Mello's chocolate bars and everything else that had belonged to the blond. All was left in the room was my stuff and Mello's now empty bed.

For the first time since I came here, I never felt this lonely. It was as if the person close to me was leaving me to fend for myself in this building full of lions. I could just imagine them doing horrible things to me now that Mello isn't by my side to protect me.

--

The next few days, I saw Mello less and less, but more and more with the white haired kid. Rejection hurts and seeing them together made it even worse. In class there was talk about Mello and this person Near. That they were considered enemies who'd do anything to beat the other of something, but now have become best of friends or maybe even more. I wanted to meet this Near person, maybe he could help me get Mello back.

Class was finally over and on the way back to my room, I heard two boys talking about Near and I wanted to know more about the person. I walked up to them and tapped one of them on the shoulders. They looked at me and glared before muttering some words that I found offensive but I didn't say anything. I was left alone in the hallway until a voice spoke up behind me,

" You must be deaf Matt," I pretend to not hear him, then he added, " why don't you speak up? No one's here to listen. We're alone."

I was shocked. Someone knew my secret? I turned slowly around and found myself standing in front of the white haired kid that I saw Mello with lately.

" Y-You know?" I croaked. Not speaking for a long time made my throat weird.

" Yes, I've known since you came here. Why do you prolong this?" the kid wondered. I was about to answer when a voice interrupted us. It was Mello.

" There you are Near…" Mello stopped next to the white haired kid to see me, his old roommate here too, "…and Matt." The blond turned to the white haired kid and told him that they needed to finish their project and that they were wasting precious time dilly-dallying out in the halls. Near was pulled along with the blond away and down the hall. I could only watch as they disappeared around the corner. A tear slipped down my cheeks as I continued on to my room.

--

" What were you talking to Matt about?" the blond wondered as he and Near walked back to their rooms. Near looked up at the blond,

" Why?"

" N-Nothing! I was just wondering why you would talk to him of all people?!" Mello cried hopefully erasing the blush that had suddenly appeared on his cheeks.

" I don't know. He seems like a tortured soul. That's it. I was just curious," Near answered. He opened the door and they both walked in.

" Hmm…" Mello thought. He took out a chocolate bar from his bedside table and bit into it.

" Well… you keep thinking about it because I'm not telling you anything else," Near stated and he left to the bathroom that they shared and closed it with a click.

The blond sat on the edge of his bed, thinking. He continued to sit thinking even when Near came out of the shower.

" Wow. You must be slow," Near stated, catching Mello off guard.

" What the hell does that mean, Near?!"

" If you can't figure for yourself, then there's no reason to tell you, now is there?" Near replied walking over his books and flipping it open.

" I'm going to sleep after I take a shower," Mello announced. Near looked up at his roommate,

" Oh yeah, let the little kid do all the work."

" Near. Do you know that you sounded weird just now?" Mello pointed out to the albino kid. Near continued to read through the textbook on a section about _Tardy George McClellan and the Peninsula Campaign_. (1) Mello sighed knowing that he couldn't get through to Near so he went to take a shower.

--

I sat up in bed like I did every night and looked over at the empty bed across from me. Even though we didn't talk much, Mello and I, I still felt as though I was missing a part of myself that day when he left. I let out a sigh, tomorrow would be a new day and another day of not seeing Mello. But then there's Near. I couldn't believe what had happened in the halls earlier on today.

The person that I was looking for had came to me and said that he knew my secret. He was the person that was enemies with Mello many years ago. But why friends now? Why did they become friends all of a sudden? Just whom can I talk to that knows what happened? Then the thought came to me. I hopped off my bed and rushed out of the room, down the hall and over to the big wooden door. I opened it and the headmaster looked up, seeing as it was me he ushered me over and I sat in the seat opposite of him.

Looking around, he pushed a notepad in front of me,

**What are you doing up so late, Matt? – Roger**

**I was wondering if I could ask you something? – Matt**

**Sure. What is it? – Roger**

**I wanted to know why Mello decided to room with Near – Matt**

**I'm sorry I can't help you with that, Matt. Mello didn't give me any reason – Roger**

I sat there, quiet. Mello didn't give a reason to leave me? But everything was perfect until…

**Flashback**

" _Oblivious to what?" Mello growled. The boy got out of his seat and strolled by the blond and stopped at his side before leaning close and whispered,_

" _Oblivious to the fact that this mere prank has brought out your weak side. Really Mello, I didn't think that falling in love would make you so weak. It's so much fun watching your defenses crumble," the boy then walked out of the room after a yelling from the teacher to come back. I looked up at Mello and he refused me meet my eyes._

**End of Flashback**

It must've been him! What was his name again? Raito? No…it was Kaito!

**Roger, do you know Yuu Kaito's room number? – Matt**

**Yes, but why do you need it? - Roger**

**I need to ask him something – Matt**

**All right. It's Room 524 – Roger**

**Thank you – Matt**

I got up and bowed my head to leave and left the room. I headed down the hallways to the stairs where I walked up a couple of stairs to the fifth floor. From there, I searched for the designated room. A few minutes later, I found it. The music beyond the room was blaring of hardcore metal and the lights were on. I knocked on his door timidly, but it wasn't enough to be heard from the other side, so I started banging the door and the music was turned down to a minimum and I immediately backed up. The door opened and in stood the doorway was Kaito.

" Oh, it's you. I thought it was Headmaster Roger coming to scold me again," Kaito muttered to himself. I cocked my head to the side as if I didn't hear him. He glared at me and then took a peek out in the halls. Seeing as no one was out, he pulled me into his room and closed the door behind me. Terror rose in me and I was on high alert. Me alone in his room with Kaito was a big problem.

But he didn't make a move to attack me. Instead, he went over to his backpack and dug through it and come out with a piece of paper and a pen. He tossed the two items at me and waited. I wrote down the question that plagued my mind:

**Few days ago in the classroom what did you say to Mello? – Matt**

**Why should I tell you? Are you in love with him? – Kaito**

I looked up terrified at the blue streaked haired boy and shook my head. I scrambled to write some more, hoping he could answer my questions about the blond.

**Then could you tell me why he decided to bunk with Near his rival of all time? – Matt**

**How should I know? The guy's weird at times – Kaito**

**But… it could be because I know his secret – Kaito**

Secret? Mello had a secret that Kaito knows about? A secret that would send him to Near? I guess there was more to Mello than I had thought.

**Creak… Thump…Thump…**

My eyes widen, but pretend to not hear the noise. Kaito on the other hand had heard it and pushed me under the covers on his bed as a knock was on the door.

" Yes?" Kaito replied.

" Go to sleep, Kaito."

" Yes, Headmaster," Kaito replied and then turned off the lights. I was about to get out, but a hand kept me in place. Kaito wasn't letting me go and I was trapped in Yuu Kaito's room for the rest of the night.

--

**A/N: Whoo! I think I'm on a roll… I think…Hmm…oh well. Please read and review!**

**(1) While I was writing, the word History came to mind and so I decided to use it in the story. Seeing as I don't have History class yet, I asked my siblings if they have their history book and I was thankful that my bro did. So I borrowed his textbook and flipped open to a random page and wrote down the headline of a little section that I found. So yeah, it was a random pick. Don't expect me to tell you what it's about…cuz I don't know.**


	4. Green Envy Arises

The bed was comfortable and the sheets were warm. Winter was coming and I didn't want to get out of bed. I snuggled into the warmth and I felt an arm around me…it was comforting and it made me feel safe…Hold on…! I open my eyes and scanned the area, it was dimly lit due to the curtains and I could make out that this wasn't my room. I looked to the right of me and saw blue streaked hair poking out from under the sheets. I gulped and quickly looked under the sheets and let out a sigh of relief that my clothes were still on.

Seeing as the guy was in deep slumber, I carefully removed the sheets from my body and got out of the bed. But before I could fully plant my feet on the carpet, the alarm rang and Kaito woke up. He noticed that I was escaping and he just smiled tiredly at me. My cheeks instantly flushed with pink and I looked away from the breath-taking sight.

" You should go back before anyone sees you coming out of my room and get the wrong idea," Kaito suggested. I nodded, agreeing with his suggestion and I bowed before leaving. I looked out in the hallway and found no one. When I though the coast was clear, I exited Yuu Kaito's room. I was about to head towards the stairs when a voice spoke up, but I pretend not to notice. I continue down the stairs when a hand grabbed me. I looked at the person in shock,

" Did you just come out of Kaito's room?" It was Isao Hideki; he was the one that had accompanied Mello to our room that day. I cocked my head to the side, pretending to wonder what he was trying to say. He grew agitated.

" What's the matter, Hideki?" I almost jumped back, but remembering that I was on the stairs, I just kept my stature. I notice the voice as Mello's. It was like every time I was in trouble, he would always appear. I don't think it's a mere coincidence, I think he was following me.

" I saw Matt here exit Yuu Kaito's room," Hideki answered. Mello looked at me almost as if to say, ' Are you sure?'

" Really?" Mello wondered and then knocked on Kaito's room. The blue streaked haired boy opened the door.

" Look what the cat dragged in, the chocoholic blond," Kaito replied sarcastically.

" Shut it, Kaito. Now tell me why Matt was seen coming out of your room?" Mello replied. Kaito just rolled his eyes,

" I don't know."

" You don't know? How could you not know, Kaito?" Mello accused the boy.

" Um, maybe I was sleeping?" Kaito answered simply. I blushed and looked away.

" Sleeping with Matt?" Mello grounded out.

" Maybe," Kaito smirked sending a smile over my way. I looked up to see him smiling at me and I casted my eyes down. That brought Mello to a burning point,

" You what?!"

" Mello! Why are you arguing so early in the morning?" It was Roger and he had come up to check what the commotion was about.

" Nothing," Mello lied.

" If it's nothing, then why don't you guys all go down and have breakfast? I'm going to wake the others up if they aren't already awake," Roger stated and made his way down the hall. I walked down the stairs, hopefully avoid Mello and Kaito.

--

As I picked at my scrambled eggs, I drifted off to dreamland. Earlier, Mello had almost lashed out at Kaito because he was joking about sleeping with me. No wait, we were sleeping, but he didn't do anything to me. But why did Mello get so riled up over just a joke?

Near had come down the stairs holding his teddy bear and sat down next to me. I noticed Mello staring at the white haired kid in shock,

" Near, why are you sitting by that cripple kid?"

I was hurt, why did everyone have to call me names based on my disabilities? I'm still Matt on the inside, so why? I looked down at my breakfast, pretending not to hear the conversation that my love and Near was having. I didn't notice Near looking over at me with remorse and replied,

" It's because I want to. Why? You jealous, Mello?" Near wondered.

" NO!! Why do you always accuse me of being jealous?? I have no feelings for this worthless person who doesn't even hear or talk!" Mello cried and that almost pushed me to the limit. I wish I hadn't heard any of this. The tears are starting to fall, but it stops when my chair was pulled backwards. I looked up and found myself face to face with Kaito. He grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the dining room and down the hall. I planted my feet firmly, so that I wasn't dragged to where Kaito was planning to take me. He let go of my arm and looked at me,

" Why were you suddenly crying?" I looked at him with shock, was he looking at me all this time? He sighed when I didn't answer. Kaito took out a piece of paper from his pant pocket. Why was that in there? He wrote something on it and gave it to me.

**Why did it look like you were crying back there? – Kaito**

**I don't know what you mean. I had something in my eyes – Matt**

**You're lying. Could it be that you can hear all along? – Kaito**

**I'm not lying. I really am disabled – Matt**

Kaito was about to retort to it, I could tell by his facial expression and the opening of his mouth, but I was saved by Near.

" What was so urgent Yuu, that you had to drag Matt out?" the white haired kid wondered. Kaito looked over at Near,

" None of your business, Near."

" It is my business if it concerns one of my friends," Near answered. Did I hear that right? Near considers me as his friend? But we only met just yesterday and I don't think that counts as being friends. I pretended not to notice their conversation as they continue to argue over me. Just how did this happen? One minute I was alone and everyone made fun of me, the next they're fighting over me.

Their conversation ended after Roger had to come in and break them up,

" Just what is wrong with you two. Near, never did I hear you talk to someone that way and Kaito you should know better than to pick on someone. Go to your class if you're done with breakfast." I stood there in the halls as Near and Kaito took their separate ways to class. Roger finally noticed me and ushered me to class too.

--

When lunch time came, I walked into the cafeteria and some students all looked at me. They whispered things as I pass. For example, like "I can't believe that Near is his friend." or "Why does all the hot guys go for this lame brain?" Hearing them say things like that just tore my heart to pieces. I sat down at a table to myself and ate my lunch. That's when a shadow loomed over the table and the person seated itself in front of me. I looked up to see Near.

A piece of paper was pushed in front of me,

**Do you mind if I sit here? – Near**

**No – Matt**

Near began eating his lunch as if sitting next to me was normal. Of course, because he knew my secret. I continued to eat also. A few tables away, sea blue eyes narrowed with hatred for the toy eating kid eating across the object of his affection. He would make him pay, pay for being so close to the red head when he couldn't even do so himself. The rage and hatred that he had felt, was none before. This is war.

--

**A/N: So…how did you like it so far? I hope that it's good. I was about to put this fic on hold but decided against it. Please read and review! I would like it very much!**


	5. What Did You Say?

**A/N: I know some of you guys had pointed out to me a little mistake and I'm sorry for not editing it thoroughly before posting it. I promise in the future, that I will edit my chapters before posting it.**

--

My eyes adjusted to the light in my dark room. I found myself not sleeping and decided to finish my homework. There was knocking on my door and I looked up. I heard a mumble from the other side and the door began to unlock. I quickly turned my light off and tossed my comforter over me.

" Funny, I thought the light was on for a minute there," the voice replied. Then the door closed again, securing it in place. I sighed to myself, if Roger had spotted me up, I would've been in big trouble. I placed my documents onto the table beside my lamp and snuggled into my sheets. The air blown in from the outside was cold and chilly. It would be Christmas soon and I still haven't got the time to buy presents for the people on my list. Maybe I'll make time tomorrow during lunch. Yeah, tomorrow I'll buy something for…him.

--

The next morning, I woke up to a commotion outside my bedroom. I could hear chanting and whoopings and even the rough shouts from Watari and Headmaster Roger. I forced myself back from opening the door to see what it was about. I was kept in the dark until I heard Mello's and Kaito's names being called. My eyes widen a bit. Them? Why were they fighting?

" Go on! Everybody to the dining room now! Mello, Kaito come with me to my office immediately!" Roger replied harshly and then I heard footsteps retreating from my door. The lock to my door was opening and I dove for my bed, hopefully pass as sleeping. The door opened and I heard soft footsteps coming closer and closer to my bed. I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking me awake. I cracked an eye open to see the face of Watari.

A piece of paper was flashed in front of my face, it read that I needed to wash up and go down for breakfast. I nodded to the old man and headed to the bathroom located in my room. I changed into a new pair of clothes; a black t-shirt with a red pinwheel printed in the center and some cut up jeans. I had my goggles limply around my neck and I casted my head down as I entered the dining room.

I looked up briefly to see if there was an empty chair available…there was none. I looked around and found no extra chairs either, so I just took my breakfast and brought it out to the outside benches. I sat down under one of the sakura trees and began eating. It was a quiet breakfast, where I was able to enjoy the scenery and the fresh breeze of winter.

It all stopped suddenly when two—no three shadows loomed over me. I looked up; I recognized them from my English class. I waited for them to do something and they did. One kid grabbed my hair and pulled me out of my seat. I tumbled on the grass, forcing out a groan of pain. I was still wondering why they would want to fight with me. Then I heard the reason,

" You little bitch! Stop acting like you're helpless!! I hate it when Kaito-sempai always looks at you! It makes me fucking sick! So—leave—him—alone!" one of the boys cried kicking me in the side. I curled into a fetal position. More kicks were added until Watari had to come out to stop them from kicking me to death. He took them all up to Roger's office where Mello and Kaito were still listening to the long lecture from the headmaster.

" Excuse me, Roger. These three were found fighting again. It looks like they decided to pick on Matt," Watari announced. Kaito and Mello both looked at the old man in shock.

" Was he hurt?" Kaito was the first to respond.

" We're having him checked in the Nurse's office right now," Watari answered. Kaito glared at the three of them,

" Kei? You were involved in this as well?"

The brown haired boy was ashamed. Roger looked at the three newly brought boys and excused the two previous ones,

" I hope there are no more fights in the future for the two of you. You got that?"

" YES, HEADMASTER…" Mello and Kaito replied simultaneously and left the room.

--

" Tsk, tsk, tsk…" the nurse replied with pity as she looked at the injuries, " I feel so bad for you, Matt."

I winced in pain as she brushed her fingers lightly around the area where purple spots started to form on my skin.

" IS HE OKAY?" a voice replied at the door. I pretended so hard not to look at the person.

" Yes, Mr. Yuu. He'll survive," the nurse replied to the blue streaked haired boy, pulling my shirt back down. Kaito breathed a sigh of relief and I found myself wondering why.

" If you're here to take Matt back to his room, then he's ready. Off you go," the nurse replied, helping me slide off the makeshift bed and I walked to the door where Kaito was waiting. We walked down the hallway together in silence. He suddenly stopped, making me turn back to look at him. Kaito was writing something down on a piece of paper. Did he carry that in case he bumped into me?

I reached out for the piece of paper after he had done writing on it. I looked down at the paper:

**Are you okay? Nothing's hurt? – Kaito**

I looked up at the boy in front of me with concern. I shook my head. He let out a sigh of relief,

" So the nurse was right," Kaito whispered under his breath. I stared at him and he noticed that. When he did, a genuine smile was flashed my way. My eyes widen and I felt heat rush up my cheeks. Did I have feelings for Kaito too? And what about Mello? Do I still love him?

" Kaito! What the heck are you doing with Matt?!" a voice blared down the halls, running of footsteps came closer and closer up behind me. I noticed the voice as…Mello's. I stood there, facing Kaito as if I didn't hear Mello come up next to me.

" Oh, hello Mello. I was just having a friendly conversation with Matthew here until you came and interrupted us," Kaito stated. Mello glared at the blue streaked haired boy and then looked over at me. He grabbed my hand and began pulling me down the halls, opposite of where he came from. I looked shocked as he dragged me away from Kaito.

--

I struggled against his hold as he dragged me outside into the garden in the back of the school. He let go of my arm suddenly and turned to look at me. Mello's demeanor suddenly changed from anger to one of nervousness. This blond was definitely confusing to read.

" Matt, I-I like you," Mello confessed suddenly. I was thrown for a loop, no way had I seen that coming. I just hope my expression didn't show that I just heard him confess his love for me. It didn't when he whispered to himself,

" Matt's deaf, Mello! Sheesh! How embarrassing…"

I cocked my head to the side and he noticed. Mello searched his pants for paper, when I noticed that I was holding the paper from my earlier conversation with Kaito and handed it to him. He took it without any hesitation and began scribbling something, and then he handed it back to me.

**It's nothing. Sorry I brought you out here for nothing. You should go back to your room and rest. I heard what happened to you earlier. I'll make sure those thugs will pay – Mello**

I looked up and Mello was gone, I was alone in the garden. I sighed happily, Mello liked me too.

--

**A/N: Okay, I know this is short and a bit rushed but I wanted to at least submit something before I'm taking a little break from this fic. I'm getting a major writer's block for this fic as well as my other fic, **_**Tears**_**. For a freshman in college, I'm swamped in homework and the thought of finishing homework and studying for exams and midterms…has plagued my mind and thoughts of writing for these two fanfics are covered up. So, the chapters will be slow to update as of today. Sorry for the inconvenience and please r&r! Thank you!**


	6. Let's Play Secret Santa

**A/N: I know when I said slow, I really thought that it would be slow. But since an idea occurred to me, I didn't want it to leave me so I wrote this chapter! But don't get your hopes up with the next chapter because the weekends going to end and more homework to come so..yeah. Oh! A thanks to ForbiddenSoul562 for telling me to add a bit of Near into this chapter. Please read and review!**

--

It was just yesterday that I had heard Mello's confession. Last night, I couldn't sleep a wink as the words replayed over and over in my mind. You could tell how much I had to sleep last night by the black rings around my eyes; none. No sleep whatsoever.

I walked through the halls tiredly, trying to get to my locker. I had my head down, I didn't bother to brush my hair or change my clothes from last night. I wanted to remind myself of what had happen when I wore these rags. Silly, I know.

I finally reached my locker and fumbled with the dial, trying to get the lock combination to work. With my lack of sleep, it proved fruitless.

" Need any assistance in opening your locker?"

I stiffened, it was that person again. I looked around and weirdly, there was no one around to see. I turned to look at the white haired boy behind me and nodded. Near then stepped forward towards my locker and asked me what the combination was. I gave it to him and he easily opened it for me. I thanked him. He took a look at my face and wondered,

" Your lack of memory is due to little sleep, am I right?"

I blushed and scratched my head nervously before nodding.

" Well, you should get some sleep despite anything that happens, all right?" Near replied and I smiled before he went off. I closed my locker before going to class myself.

--

I walked into class and immediately my eyes glued to the blond whose seat was a table up in a row next to mines. He was already in class on time and looked normal as ever. I wondered how one was able to look as normal as Mello does when just last night he had confessed his love for me? Was it all a mistake? No, I heard it. It was loud enough that I couldn't mistake it at all. He liked me.

I walked down the row to my seat as I passed him. I took a glance over and sadness rose in me, he didn't look up instead he continued to read whatever he was reading. I took my seat and bore holes into the back of his head. Kaito walked into class and that's when Mello's head rose. They looked at one another and the whole class became tense. Then the air around them became normal once Kaito continued to his seat. As he passed by me, he flashed a smile in my direction and he too, took his seat.

I couldn't understand why Kaito was being so nice to me all of a sudden. But at least I was being acknowledged in this pitiful school. The class began when the teacher finally entered the room. I cruised through the whole lecture, watching the teacher flap her arms about. It was quite silly, really. I mean, I couldn't even understand what all those signals mean.

The bell finally rang to signal the end of class and students all got up from their seats, exiting. I followed them out of the door. A light touch on my shoulder brought me to my senses and I turned to look at who it was. It was a girl who I didn't recognize. I turned to face her and she just handed a piece of paper to me. I looked down at it and saw that it was another prank paper meant for me with the words "Kick Me" on it. I bowed to her in thanks. She immediately blushed and hurried on her way. I stared after her.

--

Lunch was very awkward. Everyone was staring idly at me. Of course they should be because Mello and Kaito are having a stare down right next to me. The girl, her name was Miri (1) also decided to join my table. Last but not least, Near was here too. I was quite happy to have people around me; it made me feel more welcome than when I had started school here.

After Kaito and Mello had their stare down and the winner was declared; they were both tied as concluded by Near of course. Then they all began to talk about Christmas.

" Why don't we play Secret Santa?" Miri offered. The group looked at her and I just sat there, pretendingp not to notice. She was flustered by the many stares pointed her way,

" You know, like…like…we pick out one name and we can't tell each other who we got and we have to buy them a present no matter what."

They thought about it and I was thinking the whole time, '_What about me?_' So I noticed Near getting out a piece of paper and pen and began writing each of our names. They began cutting each name out and folding it into tiny, little squares. Scrambling it up, a paper was pushed in front of me.

**We're playing Secret Santa. Do you know what that game is? Well, it's a game where each one of us picks a paper from the pile and whoever's name we get, we buy a present for that person. Sounds fun, no? – Kaito &**** Mello (2)**

**Yes, it does sound like fun – Matt**

I was happy that we were playing this Christmas game. I wonder who I will get; I just hope it would be him. That way, it'll be easier to get a present for him.

The scrambling was done and they decided to let me have the first pick. I chose one, then Kaito, then Mello, then Miri and lastly, Near.

--

I finally came back to my room after a night's session of Algebra II when I saw that someone was waiting for me there. It was Near. I was wondering why he was around me lately. He gave me a piece of paper,

**Let's go inside so that we can talk privately – Near**

I hesitantly nodded, wondering what Near wanted to talk to me about. We walked in and the door closed, locking for all those who dare to enter. I flicked the lights on and sat on the edge of my bed, while Near stood,

" So, Matt do you like Mello?"

My eyes widen at the suddenly question.

" So do you?" Near asked once again. I looked down at my lap and nodded timidly.

" I thought so. If that is the case, then would you mind switching the person you got with me?" Near replied, staring straight at me. I looked up at him, did he get who I thought he got?

I looked at the strip of paper in his hands and there was Mello's name written on it. I gulped,

" A-Are you sure that you don't want to buy something for him?"

" Like Mello would want anything given by me except for help when needed to boost his grade," Near stated. I thought for a moment and gave him my own strip of paper. Near looked at the paper and smirked,

" Looks like I got Kaito (3). And Matt? Don't tell the others about this switch. Keep it confidential all right?"

I nodded. He told me good night and then left the room. I stood there in my spot, a smile forming on my lips. I was going to be Mello's Secret Santa for Christmas.

--

**(1) I decided to add myself into this story if you guys don't mind.**

**(2) I decided to put "Kaito & Mello" because what I had originally on Word was Kaito's name crossed out due to Mello who put his name instead. But this won't accept HTML code so...I had to improvise.**

**(3) Yes, I chose Kaito before I actually tested to see what luck gave me (by using paper, cut it up with the following names: Miri, Matt, Near and Kaito) and I dropped the pieces of papers (after folding it of course) on top my laptop and the only one that fell off the laptop I opened it and guess who's name it was? KAITO's!! Coincidence? lol.**


	7. Present Hunting

**A/N: Sorry for the very late update…as I said….slow. And it will be this slow for chapters to come. I'm sorry…my painting teacher just won't stop giving us things to do!! And I've got two midterms to do so….auugh! And then there's love problems…so I've been down…Anyway, here's the chapter!**

--

_SPLAT!_

I woke up to the sound of something hitting the window, as I was about to check what was up, the chilliness of the air sent shivers down my spine. I immediately brought my covers up to my chin, hoping to ease the goose bumps that had suddenly appeared on my skin. I looked over at my window and I noticed what was hitting my window; snow.

I wrapped my comforter around me as I pattered across the room to the closet where I began changing, leaving my blanket in a pool at my feet. The door started to open and I stiffened. I had to pretend not to notice, no matter how embarrassing it was.

The door opened and in came L; I had noticed that bushy hair anywhere. I finally finished dressing and turned around, feigning surprise. L just laughed and put an arm around me, we began walking out of my room without bothering to return my comforter back to my bed. Oh well, maybe later on today.

--

I heard a stomp and then another and I looked down the hallway to see the blonde stomping towards L and me. He walked past us with nothing but the wind trailing behind him. He was mad, and I could see that perfectly well… Did he not like what he picked? Was it me that he had picked and is mad about it?

A paper was shoved in front of me.

**Is there something wrong Matt? – L**

**No, there isn't. Let's go – Matt**

We both headed into the dining room where Mello, Near and Miri was busy eating. The other Wammy orphans were outside playing with the snow. The blonde, I had noticed was chomping at his spoon and I quirked my brow. That's when I noticed that someone was missing.

_Where was Kaito?_

I sat next to Miri and pushed a paper to her. She read it and gulped her food down before answering back.

**Kaito already finished with his breakfast a few minutes ago. I think he went Christmas shopping. Hey! I know! Why don't we all go Christmas shopping this afternoon? Near is coming and I don't know about Mello since well, he looks a bit ticked off right now and I'm afraid to ask him – Miri**

**Okay, I'll come with. Don't worry, I'll ask Mello – Matt**

**Yay! – Miri**

In the end, I got Mello to come with us on our Christmas shopping extravaganza. I smiled at the memory,

**Flashback**

_Mello, will you come with us on our Christmas present hunt? - Matt_

_Is Near going? – Mello_

_Of course! Why? – Matt_

_Then I'm not going! – Mello_

_But we're meeting with Kaito afterwards and then we're going ice skating! – Matt_

_That bastard Kaito's going?! – Mello_

_Uh…yes and he's not a bastard Mello – Matt_

_Fine! I'm going, but not for you. It's just that Kaito can't always beat me in everything – Mello_

**End of Flashback**

Now we're walking down the sidewalk to the town square of London. We were all wearing our mufflers, jackets and scarves. The temperature dropped approximately 5 degrees since three days ago. It was freezing!

We finally arrived at the store and we all went our separate ways, searching for the other's presents. I knew what to get for my present. It was easy since I had Mello. But a chocolate bar or even a dozen was just too plain. I had to do something else, but what?

Nothing came to mind at the moment, so I decided to take a boxful of chocolate bars, and hopefully create something to Mello's liking. I smiled happily, taking it to the cash register. I purchased it in a goodie bag so that no one would ever guess what I had bought. When I walked out of the store, I saw Kaito already waiting. I smiled at him; he gave a smirk in return. The others finished soon after. Mello still looked ticked off as ever.

--

We all headed to the skating rink afterwards. I stayed off to the side as everyone else began to go onto the ice. I sat on the bleachers, thinking of what I was going to make for Mello. A cake? No…it was just too simple, just like a chocolate bar. But then what?

Just when I was deep in my thoughts, a poke to my head caused me to fall back and the contents of my present fell out. I scrambled to retrieve it, in case it had been Mello. I finally put every chocolate bar into the bag and looked up at the person fearfully. It was just Near. I sighed.

" What are you doing up here? Why aren't you down there with the rest of us?" Near wondered.

" I wanted to think. I wanted to get something special for Mello," I replied in whisper, hoping the others down below didn't see that I could actually talk.

" You…didn't buy something for Mello back there?" Near replied.

" I did, but just a few chocolate bars isn't that much of a present," I stated. The white haired boy nodded,

" You're right. It isn't. But it doesn't matter what you do with the chocolate. What matters is that you gave your heart into that present, whether it's just a plain chocolate bar, cake or something else you might come up with. Just now that if it's from your heart, anyone would accept it," Near replied. I stared at him in shock, were those words from a wise man?

" What?" Near replied a bit annoyed. I guess he had noticed that I was staring at him with a weird expression or something. I shook my head,

" Nothing, you're right. Thanks Near," I replied happily. The albino boy blushed a bit.

--

I went down to the skating rink with Near and Mello skated up to us, mainly Near and began wondering why we came back together.

" Don't worry, I took care of Matt for you Mello. I brought him here," Near stated and he skated off. Mello stood there, now looking at me. He brought out his hand, waiting for me to grasp onto it. I took it and we skated.

The feeling was exhilarating, I was happy. Mello was holding my hand, teaching me how to skate and I followed along with his instructions. The time flew by and it was three hours later that I had noticed. It was getting late.

**I think we should get back; Roger might give us detention – Matt**

**Don't worry; Headmaster Roger doesn't do that – Kaito**

**HE DOES! – Miri & Near**

**Okay, he does – Kaito**

I smiled. We arrived back to the Orphanage an hour later and Roger began yelling at us. I pretended not to notice it, but I couldn't help but flinch slightly at the harsh tones. He then sent us to our rooms. I walked back to my room and placed the present onto my bed. Now all that's left was wrap it up and wait for Christmas to arrive.


	8. Sharing A Kiss Under The Mistletoe

**A/N: Here's the next chapter!**

--

The next few days we all hid from each other as we wrapped our presents. Mello was still frustrated as ever and snow began to fall heavily from the sky. The kids here at the orphanage went out for Christmas shopping while Watari, L and Roger decorated the household full of Christmas cheer. The Christmas tree was as tall as the door; it stood in the middle of the living room by the fireplace. The lights danced brightly on the tree and presents were stuck underneath the tree, all waiting to be taken by their rightful owners. The feeling in the air was warm and full of Christmas.

I woke up on Christmas morning; it was chilly, no it was beyond that. My nose felt as though it had frozen and fallen off. I couldn't feel it anymore. I reached up to touch it and it was still there. The door opened suddenly and Miri came running in, jumping on top of my bed. I had to scoot my legs up to my chest before she had smashed it. I cocked my head to the side. She flashed the paper in front of me,

**Let's share our presents now! Come on, everyone is waiting downstairs – Miri**

I nodded, grabbing my present to Mello from the drawer next to my bed and walked after Miri. We headed downstairs into the living room and then to the front door where the others were freezingly waiting.

" I brought him, you guys! Sorry I had to keep you waiting," Miri replied. I saw Mello glare at her,

" Just why do we have to stand out here for, girl?"

" I-I thought that it would be best here," Miri stuttered, going back to her shyness.

" Nah, it's okay. Here's fine," Kaito replied snapping the girl's attention.

" Okay, let's get this exchange over with, huh?" Mello replied shivering under his coat. Everyone agreed and we all exchanged out presents. I was surprised to see that Miri had chosen my name, Kaito had Miri's, Near with Kaito, mines with Mello and….Mello with Near. **(1)**

Anticipation gripped me. I wanted to know what Mello got Near for his Christmas present when Kaito spoke up. He was pointing to something that was above our heads. We all looked up to see a green plant hanging on the door frame.

" What the heck is that thing doing there?!" Mello cried.

" I guess it was meant to be for all of us to stand here together…what a group orgy…" Kaito smirked.

" Nani?!" Mello cried, taking a step back. Kaito grabbed a hold of the blonde and crushed their lips together. My eyes widen, Near looked away and Miri just blushed at the scene. There was just no way, I wanted to be Mello's first kiss!!

Their lip lock lasted only a few seconds before Kaito drew back from the kiss. We were all stunned, including Near who had masked his face seconds after. Mello pushed the blue streaked haired boy away from him,

" What the hell!"

" Looks like I'm Mello's first kiss, am I right? I'm honored," Kaito smirked happily. Mello wiped at his lips furiously, while we were all gaping… at the two.

" So, who's next?" Kaito stated, turning to us.

" How can stealing someone's kiss be a good thing? It's not like candy you know, Kaito," Near stated behind his white scarf, holding his blue present in his hands.

" I know, but I can't pass up this chance either. I mean, Miri was the one who chose the spot first. Shouldn't it be her fault?"

We all looked at the girl, who froze on the spot.

" I-I thought it'd be perfect since Mello—" Out of consciousness, my hand slaps over the girl's mouth as well as Near's. Mello and Kaito looked at the three of us in curiosity.

" What was this girl going to say? And why did she mention my name?" Mello wondered.

" It's nothing, Mello," Near states and Miri nodded. Yet, their stares still bore holes into us. Near then motioned me with his head stating that we had to go. We took Miri as our hostage and ran into the house, with Mello and Kaito trailing after us.

--

We breathed a sigh of relief when we made it back to my room and barricaded the door. Mello had the password to my room, so it would be easy access.

" Miri, where did you hear that?" Near replied.

" Hear what?"

" What you're about to say back there," Near stated. The girl thought about it,

" I didn't hear it. I noticed it. You mean that Mello likes Matt? Yeah, I saw that a mile away," Miri thought. I stared at the girl in shock; she knew it a mile away?!

" When did you--" I stopped, realizing my mistake. Miri looked at me in shock and Near just smacked himself on his head,

" Oi vey."

" Ooops," I replied sheepishly.

" Y-You can talk!" Miri cried, pointing a finger at me, " Near! Did you hear that? Matt can talk! I have to tell—"

" Don't, please Miri. Don't tell anyone," I pleaded.

" Fine, if I get to kiss you first," Miri huffed. I gawked at her, was she kidding?!

" I-I can't. I wanted Mello to be my first kiss," I replied.

" Well then, I can't--" The girl stopped midsentence after being cut off by a kiss from the albino boy.

" Will that suffice?" Near replied, drawing back from the kiss.

" No, I still want Matt's kiss. But I'll wait until next time," Miri smirked.**(2)** I sighed exasperatedly; this will be a long Christmas.

--

**A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short…but I wrote down everything I needed in this chapter…so forgive me. Please read and review! Thanks! Oh…I wanted to post this now because I don't have homework at the moment and to tell you that these two next week's are projects upon projects and midterms to study for. So…I'll only update when an idea strikes me or when I have time. Ja!**

**(1) This was all chosen by luck…not me. Since I didn't think it would be fair. And yes, Mello/Near was DEFINITELY chosen by luck. Creepy, since I was hoping Mello had chosen Near.**

**(2) You hate me right now, right?**


	9. Wanting To Know

**A/N: I know this story is going slow…but I'm sure it'll end soon… XD Please read and review! Thanks!**

--

I had opened my present from Miri last night and I was super happy. She had bought me the latest game for my Xbox360, _Fall Out 3_. I stayed up all night playing it and kept falling asleep when class came. The teacher had sent me to detention and hated every moment of it because Kei and his buddies were there with me. The teacher in charge of us had to go out to do something and the Satan trio all walked up to me. I just rolled my eyes in my mind, what did they want now?

" Hey, Matt!" Kei replied. I didn't dare look up.

" Matt!" the brunette boy replied once again. I think one of his buddies had tapped him on the shoulder because then a voice said,

" Kei, don't you remember? He's deaf."

" Right, forgot," Kei said then looked at me once more.

Instead of having a normal conversation with me, Kei gripped the front of my shirt and brought my face inches from his. His right hand drawn back as if to punch me and I flinched. When a clearing of a throat at the door was heard, they stopped in their tracks. They turned to see at the door; the teacher came back. Kei and his two buddies took a step back and returned to their seats. The detention session started.

--

I walked back to my room an hour later, tired. I spotted Near walking towards me, engrossed with this toy in his hands. It was an Optimus Prime action figure. I quickly looked around and then replied happily,

" Afternoon, Near!"

This outburst of mine must've caused a shock to him because he became flustered and had gripped the toy tighter to his chest.

" Oh, it's you Matt. What is it?"

" Just thought I'd say hi," I said.

" I see, well I'll be on my way then," Near stated and brushed past me and down the hall. I looked after the white haired albino kid and fear gripped me, did Near harbor feelings for Mello as well? Was that toy a present from Mello himself? I began to think different scenarios in my mind and the more I thought, the more sadness enveloped me.

--

I continued on my way back to my room, pouting with my head down. I didn't look to where I was going and bumped into something fairly muscular. I looked up to see blue streaked hair. I stumbled back,

" Yo!" Kaito smirked. I looked at him, pretending to not hear him. Instead of getting out a paper and pen, he grabbed my wrist and dragged me to an empty classroom. Kaito closed the door behind him and turned to me,

" You can cut it out, Matt. I know that you're pretending to be deaf and unable to speak. So you can let it out."

I stared at him in horror. How did he know?

" H-How?" I stuttered. The boy in front of me just smirked,

" I love your voice, Matt."

I blushed,

" T-That's not the point, Kaito! How did you know? Who told you?" I spoke.

" No one. I heard it all myself," Kaito announced, leaning on the classroom door, his arms crossed about his chest.

" When?" I said.

" Yesterday, after you and Near took Miri hostage. I followed you back to your room and eavesdropped. I wanted to know what Miri was going to say. Then I heard a new voice enter the conversation and that's when I heard Miri's voice speak out that you had spoken. Things pieced together from there," Kaito explained.

I stood there in shock, this couldn't be happening. Just who else is going to know about my secret?

" Did you tell anybody about it?" I said sternly.

" Don't make such a scary face, Matt. If you meant that I told Mello, then no. I didn't," Kaito replied. I sighed, Mello didn't know, that was good.

" How about everyone else?" I said. The blue streaked haired boy thought about it,

" Well, I was about to get your permission to tell Roger, Watari and L about it…"

" NO!!" I cried and stopped myself.

"…but don't worry about it, I won't," Kaito smirked.

--

I sat in my room thinking about it. Near, Miri and now Kaito knew about my secret. Just how many more will know until I am thrown out of this orphanage by my lie? I sighed; the guilt lay heavily on my heart and I felt myself choke out a sob. This was too much to handle.

That night, I went down to the cafeteria for dinner when I saw Kaito and the rest of the group already there eating and laughing. They were having so much fun because they didn't have to hide such a lie as I was. Standing in line, I got my food. Then I continued on my way over to my so called group of friends and sat down. They all looked at me as I began to eat my food quietly. A paper pushed in front of me and I thought that it would be Mello, but it was just Near.

**Did you sleep in? – Near**

I looked at the white haired boy and noticed that he was sitting next to Mello. Jealousy gripped me and a lump formed in my throat.

**Yes. I forgot to set my alarm clock – Matt**

**Well, make sure you set it next time. Don't want to miss your night meal – Near**

I smiled at him, while inside I cursed at the boy. He became friends with me just to get to Mello. I began eating, but then I stopped, a feeling worked its way into me, the feeling of being used.

" I'm going to bed now, see ya," Mello replied and he got up. I looked just in time to see Near getting up also and walking after the blonde. I needed to know. I knew that my mind wouldn't stop resting if I just knew their relationship to each other. I got up also and left the cafeteria.

--

I hid behind a corner just when Mello spoke up,

" Why are you following me, Near?"

" It's none of your business. Besides, why do you care whether or not I follow you? It hasn't annoyed you before, so why now?" Near wondered, holding his toy in his arms.

" Of course it's none of my business. But it's not just a matter of you following me, but that toy you're holding in your arms. It repulses me. Why are you holding it for the entire world to see?" Mello wondered.

I listened in more carefully; this was the part that I needed to know,

" It's because, the present is from you."

My eyes widen, my mouth gaped open and I stumbled back. I knew it.

" SO? Who cares if it's from me? That's nothing special," the blonde retorted.

" It is special, Mello. When you receive something from someone precious to you, that counts as special," the white haired boy explained, fidgeting with the toy.

" Tch, just rely on your studies, Near. You preaching about this stuff makes me feel like I'm in a virtual reality. I like it better when all you think about is becoming L and eating your toys. That's it," Mello stated and continued on his way to his room.

Hiding away, I could hear Near's heart cracking bit by bit. Being rejected had to be one of the most hurtful things to hear.

--

I walked back to my room, sad that Near had a crush on Mello all this time. But somewhat happy that Mello rejected him; because I knew that his real feelings were directed towards me. **(1)**

That night, I slept contently dreaming about our life together. It all shattered when Near came into the picture.

**Beginning of Dream**

" _Daddy!" a little girl about five cried. I opened my eyes to the feeling of being jumped on,_

" _What is it, Mai?" I replied sleepily._

" _I'm hungggrrry…" Mai pouted, I smiled. She looked so much like Mello._

" _All right," I replied, getting out of the covers and walked the girl downstairs and into the kitchen. I looked in the fridge for some ingredients. The girl immediately sat at the kitchen counter,_

" _I want scrambled eggs with sausages, daddy!"_

_I smiled, getting some eggs out of the fridge along with a package of sausages,_

" _All right. While I'm cooking breakfast, why don't you go up and wake your father?" I replied._

" _Okay!" I heard the girl run off and up the stairs._

_--_

_I had finished cooking the scrambled eggs and was just about to start on the sausages when I heard a piercing scream. I noticed it as Mai's and ran upstairs, leaving the stove unattended. I ran upstairs as fast as I could and reached the little girl._

" _What happened, Mai?" I cried. The girl had tears down her face, she pointed into my room and I looked. There was Mello and Near, they were in the middle of something…that wasn't supposed to be seen by children. I covered Mai's eyes and turned to the two boys on the bed; half naked,_

" _What the hell?! Near, how did you get in here? And why are you two…?"_

" _You stole Mello from me, and I'm here to steal him back," Near stated._

" _But we're already married! Mello!" I cried. The blonde shrugged,_

" _Too late."_

**End of Dream**

"AAaaaaahhhhh!!!"

" Matt! Matt!" a pair of hands was shaking me and I woke up to see Watari and Roger in my room along with some other students. I blinked, my heart pounding rapidly. It was all just a nightmare, wasn't it?

**--**

**(1) Okay, I know that some of you may hate Matt at this moment, but don't!! It was not meant for you to hate him. Just understand the position he is in….**


	10. The Fate Of Matt Jeevas

**A/N: Haha…it would seem that Matt's screaming at the end got everyone's attention. I didn't think it would be such a big deal. But I guess it was… (sweatdrop) Oh well, glad to think that everyone is still reading this story. Sorry for the long wait….2 weeks to be exact. Very sorry, I just didn't feel like writing since I last updated because many things happened at once and it was an emotional rollercoaster for me. But now I'm better and onto the last chapter!**

--

" Did you do what I think you did?" Roger said an astonished look was on his face. I stared at them and continued to think of what I did to confuse them, and then I realized my mistake. Great, now my whole cover is blown. I just cocked my head to the side, feigning innocence.

" Maybe we heard wrong. It doesn't look like—"

" Don't base your thoughts on looks alone. I have studied him for some time, and I've caught snippets of conversations where our little Matt was talking to one of our students,"

I stopped, hearing the familiar voice of L.

" L-sama?" Watari wondered.

" Matt, you can stop your charade now. Don't go on pretending that you're mute or deaf. Sleep now and we'll talk later tomorrow in my room. Everyone else, go back to your rooms," the dark haired detective announced, heading out of the room and into the hallways.

I sat there on my bed, eyes down in my lap as everyone filed out of my room. The door finally closed, leaving me in the darkness.

--

The next morning, I sat in bed, holding down the lump that had form in my throat and the butterflies in my stomach. I screwed my eyes shut, thinking of the inevitable. Then I decided to once and for all, and face this. They had to know sooner or later; and the sooner, the better.

I walked out of my room to see Mello standing there, opposite me.

" So you can actually hear and talk after all. How long were you planning to keep this a secret from us?" I could hear the annoyance in his voice. It striked my heart, why do I feel like I'm hurting? I only did this for…you. Well, no it was for me. It was for my own gain by doing this.

" L's waiting for you, Matt."

I nodded and headed down the hallway towards L's room. I hesitated before entering, grabbing the door knob in my hands and turned the handle. The room was well lit by the sunny sky outside. The curtains were drawn aside as if to put the spotlight on me.

L looked as always, his dark hair ruffled and his thumb was under his lips as he had his knees up to his chest. His look seemed intimidating. I froze in my spot in front of the door, unable to think of whether to sit down or stand. I stood, waiting for L's command. Then the dark-haired detective bid me sit down in front of him. I walked over and sat down on the black leather sofa and waited for my fate.

" Tell me why you didn't reveal your secret from the moment the rumors started?" the dark-haired detective wondered. I looked down at my lap,

" Because it was better for me if I lived my life in the shadows," I stated.

" Shadows? Do you seek comfort there, being alone and in the dark? Don't you want to live your life to the fullest and be with the people who care about you the most?"

" No," I stated dully.

" And why is that, Matt?"

" I…don't know," I said, wringing my hands nervously.

" If you're here about your fate, I could only say that I'm not here to stop you. It's your decision on whether you want to continue staying here, or go somewhere else," L stated. I looked up in shock,

" But I thought--" I was shocked and happy at the same time. There was no way that this could happen; I wasn't going to be thrown out.

" Now, you have to get others to trust you again," L said. I looked down at my lap again, he was right. I had to get things back with Mello if only he would let me. I stood and quietly left the room.

--

I walked out into the hallway to see Kaito, Miri…and Near there.

" So what did L say, Matt? Are you getting thrown out of here?" Miri wondered, afraid for me.

" If he decides to throw you out because of this mishap then--" Kaito started, but was cut off when I spoke up,

" No, he's letting me stay."

The group let out a sigh. I looked down a bit, Mello wasn't here.

" I'll treat you to ice cream, Matt. Let's celebrate!" Kaito stated. Miri nodded, grabbing my hand,

" Yes! Please come, Matt?"

I shook my head, pulling my hand slowly out of her grasp,

" I need to make it up to Mello first. I'll take a rain check on that ice cream, Kaito. Sorry," I replied hastily as I ran down the hallway in search of the blonde.

--

The blonde was in his room, sitting and thinking about the shocking news. Matt was not handicapped at all, he was perfectly fine all along. Then a memory flashed in his mind,

**Flashback**

_Matt was struggling against his hold as he dragged the red head outside into the garden in the back of the school. He let go of the boy's arm suddenly and turned to look at the object of his affection. His demeanor suddenly changed from anger to one of nervousness as he continued to stare straight into the face of his crush._

" _Matt, I-I like you," Mello had confessed suddenly. From the look on the red head's face that he was thrown for a loop there was no way he had seen that coming. I look at his expression and there was no shock written there. Then it all came to me,_

" _Matt's deaf, Mello! Sheesh! How embarrassing…"_

**End of Flashback**

A blush graced his features and Mello smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand,

" Then he knows my feelings for him…"

KNOCK. KNOCK.

Mello looked up at the door and replied harshly,

" Who is it?"

" Matt…" came a mumble reply. His eyes shot wide,

' _What did the red head want now?_'

--

I walked down the quiet corridor to the blonde's new room with Near. I stood in front of the wooden door, contemplating whether or not I wanted to face him. In the end, I summoned up as much courage as I could and knocked on the door.

A harsh reply answered from the other side and I stiffened, Mello was actually in his room.

" Matt…" I answered. I stared down at my feet when I heard shuffling beyond the door, coming closer and closer until the door swung open revealing the blonde. He had a pissed off look on his face that made me flinch a little.

" So, what is it? Saying goodbye?" Mello replied. I looked to the side; sadden that he would think I was leaving this place.

" Um, no…L, he let me stay," I answered.

" I see and what have you come here for?" the blonde wondered.

" I want to ask you to forgive me. I know that you might not want me here, but…" I stated.

" Whoever said that I didn't want you here?" the blonde said suddenly, catching me off guard.

" Y-You don't want me to leave?" I replied. I could see the light pink stains on his cheeks as he turned away from me,

" That's not what I said. I mean, what would Kaito say if he heard me saying that? We're going to get into an argument once again."

I smiled, so it was all for his relationship with Kaito that was bugging him.

" You're right."

--

Our very small talk turned into a more intimate talk when I told him of my feelings.

" Mello? There's something I want to tell you…"

" Yeah, what is it?"

" I like you."

There was silence and more silence until the silence became an enemy to my ears,

" Mello? Can you say something? You're scaring me."

" …do you really need me to respond? You already know of my feelings and I don't feel in the moment to repeat what I said before," the blonde replied, a blush etched on his face. I laughed a bit, getting a glare from Mello.

" What's so funny?"

" Nothing…" I shook my head, relishing the moment with him. Then the moment interrupted when something enclosed around my hand. I looked up to see Mello blushing even more as I noticed that it was his hand that was holding mines.

" Mello?"

His face was now inches away from mines, his breath hot on my face. We were so close, but the door opened abruptly and we flew apart from each other blushing madly.

" Mello…" the voice sang and it stopped, eyes focusing on us, " oops. Am I interrupting something?" There was a perverted smirk on the girl's face.

" What are you doing here, Natasha?"**(1)** Mello growled angrily, bearing his teeth.

" Just thought I'd call you down for dinner and you too Matt," Natasha giggled, disappearing out of sight.

We looked at each other before another blush made its way up our cheeks.

" Let's go, yeah?" I wondered, getting up from the bed and reaching my hand out for his. Mello was stubborn for a while, but grabbed my hand in the end. We made our way down to the dining hall and just when we entered, there was a flashing of lights and the sounds of confetti popping at us.

" **WELCOME TO WAMMY'S ORPHANAGE, MATT!!!**" the whole staff and students of Wammy cried. I stopped in my tracks, the whole dining room was lit up with lights and the table was filled with platter of foods. Everyone was smiling at me. I noticed Miri, Near and Kaito amongst the students even Kei and his little groupie were here celebrating for me.

" Thank you…" I mumbled tears of joy were threatening to fall.

" Aww, come on Matt! Why are you crying?" Kaito said making his way up to the front and over to me.

" I'm crying because I'm happy," I stated through sobs.

" Yeah! And your ugly mug," Mello added. I stifled my laugh as Kaito gave a pissed off look.

" Oooh! You guys are holding hands, finally confessed to Matt have you, Mello?" Miri cried. Everyone looked at our joined hands and I immediately let go, but Mello got a hold of it and stated,

" Yes, what's it to you?"

" Nothing! I'm just glad you finally made your feelings known!" Miri replied.

" Tch."

" Let's just get the party going," I said and everybody looked at me.

" You heard the boy, I'm getting hungry," Kei stated and everybody began talking to one another, getting food and sitting themselves on a seat and the festivities began.

I sat next to Mello, eating and laughing with the rest of Wammy's occupants and had a great time. I learned that being silent and invisible wasn't all that's cracked up to be. **(2)** I was happy to have someone to reach out to; Miri, Near, Kaito and Mello most of all. Being on the sidelines and watching from afar as the person I adore, the person that I love was having so much fun with someone other than me hurt me deep. But now here he is by my side, my eternal devotion, my love, my Mello.

--

**A/N: Eh, crappy ending I know. But despite that, please read and review. Thanks for all you readers who took the time to read this story!**

**(1) Natasha is a friend of mines who happened to sit across from me during school as I wrote half of this chapter and I felt lazy in thinking of a girl name so, deal with it.**

**(2) This is from my own experience and still dealing with it too.**

**OWARI**


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